improvement, stagnation, confusion, oh my!
August 28, 2008but i don’t want to talk about any of it.
everything else seems trivial. i’ve taken up yoga, daily haiku, concrete gardening, i’ve been devouring books and knitting projects and the food network. all so very worthwhile and enjoyable, but none providing daily routine. i really don’t mean to offend when i say this, but know of no better way to describe–the meandering existence of a housewife is driving me mad. i miss work. problem is, i’m fussy. i want satisfying, challenging, well compensated work. alas, i am twice elitist.
in the meantime, i am left bouncing from small enjoyment to the next, with omnipresent unease twining throughout the days and restless nights. does having legitimate sources of worry, or being aware of the general state of things make this any different from late-teens-malaise? does it matter? screens and keyboards seem to steer me towards this mood each night. perhaps it’s time again for the warmer and welcoming pencil and pocket-scruffed notepad. or perhaps it’s just time for me to stop indulging myself.
This is kind of how I felt when I was tourguiding. All day I was like… what shall I do with myself? Read? Write? Visit a museum? Volunteer? And I did all of those things. And then at night I drank, socialized, danced, philosophized. It should have been VERY satisfying. But it was not.
So I made a big big change. And I kind of still fall into those patterns, but it’s an occupational hazard… as is the case with you. It will pass.
Til then, there is knitting. Danielle asked if it were possible for you to make us a Super Grad Student doll to use as a mascot or to stick pins in. ; )