woe and moral revenge

mice.

somehow, despite (recently) keeping a spotless home, we have mice again. where do they come from? it has been well over a month since we saw any, which means they are a different bunch… whence??? i repeat, from where? (that was for all those folks who still say from whence, which gives me the willies.) we have already caught (and released, far far away) two of them. either they are stupid, or plentiful. taking all bets.

so to get my revenge, i have ordered two pairs of delightful socks. mossy green and dark brown stripey very long socks, and tiny pink lace-trimmed socks with toes, to wear in fancy shoes (shockingly girly, i know.)

also, have joined a knitting site/community called ravelry (under the same name, if anyone else is on.) i’ve only gotten as far as starting to add the needles and hooks i have, but so far it looks promising.

sleep, sleep. tomorrow our wayward vermont friend arrives!

files, files

or the lack of, really. my mother often asks why i can’t apply my job-related organizational skills to my life. i always reply with a large sigh and say that i’ve used them up. which is, you have to admit, a potential reason.

 nevertheless (i love that silly word! let’s just mash a few words together!)

what? oh yes, files. i’ve spent a rather unproductive evening (slowly, slightly productive) going through collections of papers and stuff in the hopes of condensing and tossing out. the amount of paperwork one requires to be an average adult human is astounding. and ultimately ridiculous. i do have a collection of file folders, filled with names of companies that take money, give money, hold money or otherwise have to do with money. apparently nothing else in life rates mountains of informative, useless paperwork. where is the three page, indecipherable form telling me what kind of flowers i like this year and where i like to take walks?

is it just my difficulty in organizing my personal life? is it an unwillingness to do the workof being a grown up? it is, as it seems on the surface, a dislike of everything being about money? i’ve been meaning to purchase one of those hundred dollar metal boxes to hold files, maybe that will help.

what else. it looks like i’m sliding back into the default (genetically programmed, i’m convinced) sleeping schedule. i’m also picking up that old habit of forgetting to arrange un-errand reasons to leave the house. i did however make it to the monthly stage managers’ gathering. a member volunteered to hold the gathering at her new house, which i liked far more than our usual restaurant locale. one of the students who shadowed me recently came to the event with others in her class–glad to see some young ones with potential. for pete’s sake (who is pete? one of the saint’s? is it not the less religiously loaded option i think it is?) i am calling them young ones. i suppose i’ve been around in this town long enough to be able to say it… and i am toying with the idea of becoming a certified teacher (on route to getting a ma or mfa in something so as to be able to teach at university level in more places…) though the thought of being a student again, having to take core classes that don’t interest me at all, having to be graded rather than simply judged, being treated like a young one…ick ick ick.

hallo

well, yes, it’s been a while. and i am far too tired to say anything. but i’ve finally noticed the very long lapse.

 it’s in the 60’s in january, i’m allowed to be discombobulated.

 and on that large and ridiculous word-note, i’m off to try and sleep.

chilly bug

this morning the heat finally kicked on (we got lots of radiated warmth from our elderly neighbors on either side–take that, pustulant giant worm!) and awoke for the first time since it got chilly out to a cozy house. also one that smelled distinctly like a theatre–burning dust. right now i feel down right cold, but i gather it’s still somewhere around 70 in the house. perhaps a bit colder in the bedroom, which lacks storm windows. if i were a thermostat, i would check my warranty…

 but other than that, i’d like to complain about another monolith. verizon thought that it was time to change my time a few days ago. sometime in the wee hours verizon realized the error, and fixed it. today, however, the rest of the eastern time zone thinks it’s now 1:35, having fallen back. my dear old verizon phone still says 2:35. i even tried making a phone call to reset it’s tiny brain, but alas, still wrong. what is wrong with this company? is it such a hard thing to manage? i realize that for the first time in years things are different, but aren’t they supposed to be cutting edge?

and now on to computers. for some ludicrous reason, the computers at work are behaving badly. (and i do mean badly, not poorly–they are so pernicious in the annoying failings that i now believe them to be both sentient and malicious) outlook is screwing up in all kinds of ways. distribution lists stop working, sent messages aren’t saved, messages are censored when they shouldn’t be, and on and on. ditto with the various drives, which fail to map, fail to track saved items across the network, save things and then relocate them, and i’m sure all sorts of nice touches we haven’t noticed yet.  several of the machines (and yet, not all of them…) claim that they “might be at risk” because the necessary updates haven’t been made. hmmm. if only i knew how to fix these things.

also on the chilly front–i believe it’s time to bring in the herbs. the vegetables i’m going to allow to die a nice graceful frozen death. and there’s a baby philodendron just begging to live in ~someone’s~ house. along with some other babies… want plants? i know it’s a funny time to take in baby plants but i’m fairly certain all of them are strong enough to move to a new place without dying of shock. plants do this, you know. delicate little sensibilities and all. oh! also, the poor cactus that took a tumble off the windowsill (when a bird escaped, traveled to the kitchen, climbed the drying rack and began beaking about in the plants… naughty bird) and lost it’s top inch has started growing a skinny little spur on top. not as delicate as i thought. it’s sister plant (which did suffer death by sill-tumble when it became unbalanced in it’s pot) left me with two hooked spines in my thumb for over four months. i actually tried to catch it, and got what i deserved.

oh i’m babbling. i don’t care if it’s 1 something or 2 something, i’m a tired something.

the Comcast monolith

yes, monolith. they are so very big and unavoidable (that is, i’m not willing to switch to a dsl company that will require me to get a phone line installed…and be slower) that they have ceased putting any effort into customer service.

tonight, for example, both cable and internet lost service for a few hours. cable came back, internet did not. silly me, i called. a man mostly ignorant of technology (more so than me, at least) and possessing a soothing (yet irritating) voice told me that he was sure the internet was out because of service interruption–i should wait another hour and call back. this was after asking me, as they all do, if i had unplugged and replugged the modem and router and restarted my computer. of course, i said, why would i call before trying that??? we have to do this several times a week to deal with your terrible signals. meanwhile, i choke out a thank you and hang up. knowing it to be a futile gesture, i go through the re-starting process once more and lo! internet is back. i ~refuse~ to concede the possibility of the problem going away at just that moment. instead i will complain again about the irregular signal, lame equipment (i mean somewhat broken, although all meanings apply) and truly insufficient customer service, at ridiculous prices.

although the scale and significance differ tremendously, it is like an abusive relationship. is dsl the equivalent of being single? why do i sound suddenly like a certain hbo series that replays endlessly on tbs??? meanwhile, i have finally been able to send out my performance reports from the day, and in order to carry on conversation at an early lunch tomorrow, i must go to sleep. never go to sleep angry, right? comcast, i forgive you.

tech week vortex

there is a vortex that is created during and around tech week that essentially blots out all of the rest of the world. even when tech is going well (this one did) worldly interests slip so far down the to do list that you can actually forget about them. not forget for a minute, or a day, but really really forget.

 this is how i end up not calling back my mother for four days. also how i end up having to write on my hand that it’s time for a weekly steve (snake) feeding. also how dishes get funky in the sink, or i never make it to the bank to deposit this week’s pay. this is how i end up being glad that it rained because that makes it okay that i forgot to water the back yard plants.

what i mean to say is, tech week turns me into a thoughtless careless type person that ordinarily would disgust me.

but now tech week is over! the show is going very well; i’m comfortable enough with my own little role to really start taking notice of how well others are doing their part. which of course means we’re ready to open. which happens on wednesday. so i am about to surface again. everyone should come and see this play, and when you do i can apologize for ignoring you.

robust appearances notwithstanding

one of the very jolly and healthy looking yellow fishes is hurt. someone has gnawed away most of its tail, possibly because it is sick, and possibly because one of the two murdering fishes was feeling cantankerous. worrying over this fish is an absurd and tiny replica of other current events.

meanwhile i’m watching some terrific lightning. the sound of the various pet’s filters is drowning out the sound of the rain. i have a bizarre impression that the lightning is happening in a dry world. this will fade quickly when i wake up and see that i don’t need to water any plants. i have an announcement to make. the small blue potato that was (perhaps accidentally?) left on the kitchen windowsill to sprout ridiculous appendages, and which i put into the dirt two weeks ago, has now started to grow in earnest, with real leaves coming out. the little things, the little things.

more lightning. when in lancaster a while back a group of us sat on the porch a-storm watching and witnessed the most spectacular displays i’ve seen to date. the view was completely unobstructed for miles in several directions and we could see each bolt hit the ground–sometimes splitting in two or even three on the way. ridiculously bright and so very loud.

earlier today i was watching anatomy, which i had seen before but which still unnerved me. not by virtue of it’s horror filmness. skip ahead if you are someone who hasn’t seen it, might, and would care if i’m giving something away. there is an underground organization (which the characters compare to freemasons, or elite and secret fraternities) called the anti-hippocratics that i find absolutely horrifying, especially within the realm of today’s health care situation. some of you may have heard the term in reference to nazi doctors and certain experiments and medical advances. their apparent premise is to advance medicine no matter the cost or the method. there have been heated discussions over whether and how to use some of the information nazi doctors learned by methods nearly all the world would consider immoral. the other side of the discussion is that information should be amoral, and taken wherever possible. now i know better than to accept whole hog anything learned from a work of fiction–especially fiction that is loosely based on reality… but i wonder. if, as the movie suggests, these practices of exploration (killing an interesting patient just to see how they work inside, for example) were going on long before wwII (which wouldn’t surprise me) and since (who could know?) what advances in medicine would not have occurred? if someone told me they had figured out how to prevent cancer or erradicate hiv by experimenting on the prison population without their knowledge or consent, how would i feel? how would you? would any of us be able to deny the cure? or do we secretly want the ruthless and amoral ones to go on, even while we condem them, because the riteous are just too damned slow? no rabbit was ever exposed to my leave-in conditioner of course, but many people use insulin derived from pigs and i have no qualms about how we figured that one out. but how far up the food chain does it go? where is the line where we have to stop saying we are entitled and find another way? why has our president, puppet moron that he is, become so powerful in the field of medicine? who should define the line for us instead?

ugh. now i’ve gone and worked myself up. and i started out talking about fish. i’ve noticed that i want to be in a good day and talk about a bad one. i can see why heat waves go hand in hand with crime waves… it’s too hot to do anything but sit and think and thinking leads to no good when it’s this hot. maybe if i go to sleep now in the air conditioning i’ll think… i dunno, whether it will be a lady bug year up in the catskills or a fly year.  

hiatus over

i’m alright with this blog again. for a while it became the target of all the inexplicable frustration and sloth that was the month of april and half of may. and i’m not sure it’s over, either. but i am sure that life will be changing a lot soon and i finally feel like talking about it. i suppose all the newsy items will fill in over time as they come to mind, but first the main issue is that menopause is over in SEVEN shows. it has taken up such a large part of my life (why does work do that) and i’ve been thinking about my premenopausal self. if we substitute life and self-image for sex life and body image, two areas that can be seriously affected by actual menopuase, i think i’ve made a fairly normal progression.

e.g.

i haven’t picked up knitting needles in nearly two months. and gardening, which still brings a measure of unsoiled (sorry!) joy seems to take so much more… effort than it used to. and, somehow most importantly, i’ve begun to think of myself not as a stage manager, but as stage crew, somehow, bizarrely over paid.

so folks, never fall into the trap i’ve been in. no matter how good the stability and security may feel, if a job is mostly unsatisfying and aggravating in several major ways, get out. (this is what i say with vehemence dampened only by the knowledge of upcoming bills and unemployment… see the trap!) i allowed myself to be in a place usually reserved for folks who have a damned motivating reason to put up with it–children. and i know i will over the course of my life take other jobs that leave me feeling lousy, and be happy to do it because it will buy pureed carrots for tiny mouths. now, however, is not the time.

 i’m ranting. and babbling. and going on and on. maybe it’s because i’ve recently become conscious of just how big the change was. (blasted word is ruined for me!) so i will end on a more positive note. because that’s the new plan. bring on the positive. stop muttering to myself, at least they buy the tums, every time i have heart burn. stop having heart burn. bring on the positive.

 so. i have, waiting in the kitchen to be planted, cucumber, zuccini, summer squash, green beans, grape tomatoes, jalapeno, yellow bell, cherry hot and habanero peppers.

i also have a pattern (in my family we like to call them recipes) for a nautilus that i will knit for my nephew (we hope to see him in the next couple of weeks for the first time since january) and i WILL find the right brown ombre to make the back and belly scales on the knitted snake look right.

i am planning to make a flourless chocolate cake this week, to make up for the baking i did not do over passover.

i am planning on seeing a movie outside of our house, trying two new tea shops that have been recommended, finishing my current book (nights at the circus) outside and lots more me-type activities that i haven’t thought of yet. you’re all welcome to join me for any and all.  

the miracle of life

not me you dopes, quit worrying.

the love birds! there is an egg! we think it is empty but can’t be sure, and it’s pretty obvious there is another one in sprunt and (she! now we know) will lay that one soon. eggs! eeeeeek!

 we have just built them a nesting box which is scrapped together, but will do for now. in about three weeks we’ll see if there are baby birds, and then figure out what to do. thankfully, they have an enormous cage so if there will be new birds, there’s room.

in the past few days, many things have gone wrong. including a nasty fall on our lethal steps which resulted in a very VERY large bruise on my right butt that resembles a picasso face. can’t sit down at all. not fun. also, printer going belly up right in the middle of a job (by that i mean work rather than a print job) and all sorts other nasties.

but! this morning, someone waited in a parking space for me while i tooled around the block (a FREE one) and then the folks at physical therapy gave me two ice packs to take home for my butt (hee hee, but seriously it did help) and then i ran into a city gardener who chatted with me and gave me nearly a whole bag of peat moss for my garden, and THEN THERE WAS AN EGG.

see, i’m back

right. nephew, amazing. younger sister, new job in publishing (that pays far more than mine!) and fabulous single bdrm apt in brooklyn. cousin matched for residency at columbia presbyterian hospital (where i was born) in nyc. oh–and a dear friend landed a very deserved musical theatre gig at the beach in florida for two months.

cooked a turkey for the first time since college–i suck at flipping turkeys. we’ve been having people over to the house more which is making us happy, and keeping the house neat. rewind! our vermont based friend stayed a whole week and we had a good visit. went bowling in jersey after visiting the zoo. and, per usual habit, ate at diners. he eats jelly. all alone, with nary a muffin in sight. lonely, lonely, eaten jelly.

after vermont-boy ran away, my sister arrived. we had a marathon day of tea and scones at the pink rose bakery (for her, for me, early morning p.t. session…) followed by a tornado of clothing at the curiosity shoppe (on 4th just north of south–go see!) where she made a killing (no thread was harmed in the shopping of that afternoon) followed by the flower show. doo-doo-doo dooooo! flower show. with “ireland” as the theme. the very prehistoric display with craftily crafted dinos was splendid. as were many others. the leprechaun statues and pots of faux gold were less our style… a plethora of rhododendron and a somewhat homogeneous collection of plants in several displays that put the show as a whole behind last year’s, but still very much worth our time and money. some excellent mini-irises, lovely window boxes, many many cacti (cactuses sounds better but looks funny) and a honey booth. of course a few plants came home and all but one are thriving. the brazilian firecrackers, they dried up crinkly after only two days. the plant that is sometimes called lamb’s ears and sometimes bunny ears continues to be fuzzy. i’ll let you know if it for some reason ever ceases to be fuzzy. we brunched at beau monde (YUM) and then she was off. too short a visit, i demand to the ethers that my sister return to philly soon.

i want more tea but am too much in upstairs mode to go boil water. if i weren’t so, i would be drinking serendipitea’s black current tea. i also demand to the ethers a hot water supply upstairs!

speaking of upstairs… the next news is that we are going to have another addition to the household zoo. it was completely unintentional. on our way to someplace in new jersey for guitar amp pieces, we got lost. while lost we passed a small bird store. the week later, we returned to the store and discovered that it is a supply store, a breeder of certain macaws (hyacinths, they are so very beautiful and humongous) and a bird rescue center. we saw many birds that were unloved, unsocialized, feather picking, unhappy critters. they all have a safe and loving home now and many are making progress. then we met fred. fred is a charming senegal who was unwanted. he (we’re not sure of the he part, but since someone made the mistake of calling this bird fred, we think of it as he) was had two previous owners. the first recognized the lack of care he was giving to his bird and put out an ad in the papers. the woman who bought the bird received one little nip, became scared and never took him out of the cage again. as a result of the neglect, fred is scared and self-imposing a cage bound status. he seemed to like both of us, and after a few visits actually came out of his cage to say hello. everyone was so surprised and pleased, and by the end of that day we had adopted him. we bring him to our zoo on monday. we don’t know what there was to be afraid of–he is as sweet and calm as any bird we’ve met so far. far more calm than our little adolescent–and since fred is three, his basic personality is formed. the only surprise will be how much he opens up once he’s lived with us for a while. we can’t wait!

so, now the zoo is: one very loving, very playful, very adolescent jardine’s parrot (most common name of the day: riley), two mismatched love birds, one crazy swimming red eared slider turtle who is growing bigger by the day, one almost 14 year-old-lady eastern painted turtle, one pueblan milk snake, a tank full of fish (two of whom are murderers, but i’ll tell you about them later) and now fred. welcome fred.