blogs don’t suffer from neglect. they don’t.

peacefully moving along, living on the surface. there were the weeks of getting back into the swing of things, then the weeks of 12 hour day after day after day, then the weeks of settling down. and now the weeks of simple and enjoyable work. it’s not perfect, of course, but near enough.

meanwhile, there’s been some excitement. that’s what my mother always calls bad news. my nephew wound up in the hospital for a while. he is home again and fine, and i’m through processing all the scary what ifs. in the meantime, we went up to visit for a few hours. in that time we read new books (mr brown can moo, can you?) colored (triangle dogs, square dogs, round dogs, all with spots and stripes) and introduced his new toy. after a few tries he was able to say and remember nautilus. no, brother, it is not a snail, though that was a good try. i also introduced the concept of monster-walking, a big hit. towards the end of the night, he gave me a big kiss and said ‘i love you.’ what a charmer!

it was pleasant to live on the surface for a while, but having been shocked back under i’m thinking a lot again. of what, i couldn’t say, but the thinking mood is back. along with some free time to (read! knit! sleep!) be a bit more social again. and try a new gym, as sadly, the beloved yoga studio couldn’t make it in this quasi-recession. there’s a muscle in my right butt that is very displeased. then there’s the hopeful end to the blog and haiku lapse. and perhaps finally taking care of the parts of the garden that couldn’t withstand winter. and i’ve still been meaning to learn to make cassoulet. and to organize a stitch and bitch. and to go to the aquarium in baltimore. and to finally get a new laptop. and to try wearing contacts again. and to take long cold walks holding hands and snuggle up on the couch with blankets and tea and my feet tucked under his legs. you know, live.

catch up
so we won the world series. very long final game, silly weather. it’s been a decade since i watched baseball regularly and was a fan of another team. long enough that i got a bit happy and proud to have my city earn a win. and then everyone went nuts. see, when folks are happy, they’re supposed to act happy. turning over cars, smashing gigantic (gorgeous) planters full of new plants, ripping up newspaper holders and throwing them through store windows DOES NOT EQUAL HAPPY. seriously people. NOT well done. then, halloween. immediately prefaced by the victory parade, and full of a bit more frantic and scary energy than the lovely halloween should be. having celebrated in a most satisfactory manner all things halloween the weekend before, i chose to hole up in my house and ignore everyone else on friday. then, of course, election day. yet another reason for people to spontaneously parade on broad street. it seems this time, though, no mini-riot. just lots of happy people acting happy.

look ahead
plans are a-planning in full force now for the new show. in a week my official prep starts, and shorty after that rehearsals. so many exciting things happening on top of the usual excitements–original music, paper animation on giant screens and FALSE GROSS TEETH! which is of course my favorite part so far. so pleased to be working on this project. also, i plan to go to the zoo this week. we’ll see how that turns out, as you may remember, there have been some serious zoo failures in the past. i also plan to finish the new filing system to cure a certain tiny closet from its own personal hell-paper-virus. heh. we’ll see how that turns out as well. also plan to figure out the technical difficulties (why do flikr and ravelry not get along?) and add tremendous amounts of information about what i have/am/will knit(ing) because why wouldn’t i do that? of course, i plan to also finish the three open knitting projects during the rehearsal lunch breaks. hah!

ignore the now
well, it’s been a crappy week or so, punctuated by some very lovely days. i am lately susceptible to being consumed by my own livingroom. much more pleasant occurrences if i bother to actually talk to other human beings. left to my own devices too much equals not good this time around. (and yes, i still do live with someone i very much like to talk to, but he’s been on a night shift work schedule for a bit, so my own devices have had plenty of time to work. seriously, how do people do this for entire lifetimes?)  really i’m not as codependant as i sound… it’s just a funk. which is why i am ignoring the now, obviously. except for tomorrow at yoga, where i will luxuriate in the now, that’s what yoga is for, sometimes.

[in bonus news, today a certain old friend became a dad, and certain relatives celebrated many happy years of marriage, and tomorrow someone might decide to adopt roscoe the awesome cat who loves to chew on long hair]

that’s right. brains. made of lovely, fuzzy grey mold. eh, the randomly carved pumpkin lasted for less than a week, but it was pleasant to create and look at. i attempted to make sun-eyes, which worked out much better in my mind. there was pleasant company in the carving, lots of flying knives, toasty seeds and good conversations.

also. try to imagine the idea of an egg sized hole in a hip left by a defeated tumor. then rejoice with me that the hole was filled, and the hip gets to stay in. our aunt, that is, not me. i didn’t forget to mention any cancer. but she is doing well, and i feel relieved.

that’s all for now. i’m not up for a massive recap. i’ll cover more of the time lapse soon and try not to disappear again. i’m saying this to myself, you know.

hallo blog. so i’ve been trying to write this story in the first person. it feels like lying. see, this character is not completely unlike me. just mostly. i mean, yes, i’ve pretended before, and i can be quite good at it. but what i’m pretending to be is ‘myself slightly disappointed’ rather than spitting, crying angry. or ‘myself entertained’ rather than dying to be somewhere else. it’s still the way i would be, if i were entertained. and only if i have to appear professional, or… well, suffice to say, i’m usually straightforward. so writing in the first person as someone else feels very, very strange. yes, part of why i am not an actor. just need to sandblast a bit of rust off the old storytelling segment of the brain.

perhaps being in the cold, cold, and very cold mountains (well, valley, actually) will help me feel like the writers and readers of old, who had nothing to do in the cold dark hours but curl up with a story. it will certainly be the last hurrah of a fairly roaming summer-to-fall transition for me. in the midst of all this running around, i took today to get the car inspected and myself equally inspected. we are both fine. car needed some new tires. i could use a few plastic joints, but that will have to wait a few years. for now, hurrah to the mountains we go. more on that when we return, i’m sure.

variable speeds–and i’m talking about the people, not the cars. they worked in a chaos of bits and pieces moving with purpose. i sat and read. and sat. and read. for hours. i could very well have shuttled back and forth, but it was nice to have a forced quiet time. reading felt good. i’ve been nursing along this book (which i am enjoying) for almost two weeks now. today i got a good chunk into finding out what’s happening. only thing that would have made it better: non-fluorescent lighting. i can’t help it, the damn things are so bright, so cold, so glaring. give me the closest approximation to sunshine i can get. sorry, earth. i promise to be extra-nurturing to you in other ways.

hibernation.
or rather, the end of. this summer has meant a resurgence in my tendency towards feeling writer-ly. mostly, i think, because of an abundance of time. party, i also think, because of moodiness and the idea of having something to say. i don’t care why, i’m enjoying it. i’ve been letting thoughts percolate and will shore up my ego enough to attempt something non-blog, non-haiku to bring to first fig writers’ collective. which is, of course, another writer-ly result of this summer i had little to do with creating, but am determined to make excellent use of. (i very proudly ended that thought with an of. deal with it.)

lactation.
i started paying attention to a law and order episode this afternoon when the issue of mastectomy was raised, over pizza, by two male detectives and their female boss. the men found it impossible to believe that a woman would hesitate to have the surgery if suggested by a doctor as treatment for cancer. the woman asked in response, to the order of, isn’t there any body part you would hesitate to cut off? she went on to explain the growing sense of womanhood that begins with the growing of breasts, and the continuance of the breasts as a source of femininity/sexuality throughout life. now, point of wind-up: being with a man who very much likes my breasts, and who would very much like me without them, there would be no hesitation. life over breasts, certainly. but if the situation were different? maybe i would have to think about it? why are these bags of milk producing flesh so damned important?

it remains to be seen.
everything. and i mean that not hysterically, not philosophically, but plain and simple. i believe that tomorrow will bring a trip to the italian market for produce and good cheese, lots of catch up garden maintenance, a quick stop for an allergy shot, a yoga class, a cat-sitting-movie-watching-laundry episode and a late dinner cooked together on our grill. but who knows?

so in addition to the large and lengthy tasks i have set for myself (still haven’t touched key one of a piano–except to have my hands photographed for a lines project) i feel like i want to learn sanskrit. i have a fondness for languages, and a rather petty preference for pretty sounding languages. sanskrit is pretty. also, things people say to me in sanskrit are pretty, or at least descriptively fun (this pose is easy, this pose is pigeon-y)

my favorite line from a chant we used to begin yoga last week was: guide me from darkness to light. of course i can’t remember the sanskrit properly. but the chant has been meandering in my thoughts all week, both in sound and in meaning. a little guidance wouldn’t be a bad thing. i’m not floundering, but i am, essentially, treading water. which is just fine, for the moment, if you like where you are. and i do. there are many places still to reach for, and sending a request for guidance to whomever, the ethers, myself, is a grand idea.

lightness. wonderful. i used to imagine that the words/states of being i (wanted to) strive for were stillness and joy. lightness, stillness, joy. a good collection started.

well, i’ve been disregarding this collection of babble for a while. i’ve formed a far easier habit–arranging one striking moment of my day into three lines and posting them on a communal haiku blog here. (todays thought, of course, involved rain. lots and lots of rain. in fact, i’m wondering if i shouldn’t upend the rose pot again to dump out said lots and lots. note to self: three layers of rocks are insufficient, must tomorrow drill holes in pretty pot so as to not drown pretty rose…) here’s today’s snapshot for you, in case of interest, but mostly because i am rather pleased with this one, which rarely happens.

withered cell walls gasp,
plump, swell, blossom, divide and
burst. there is too much

in other news, we are experimenting with that odd critter called mac after reeling from a massive attack on our main laptop. because of course mine has been limping along for nearly a year and in need of replacing. i really don’t think i want to defect, but i’m very much interested in having a much lower chance of infection. i take a spartan dislike to bouncing icons (icons in general, i prefer to keep my view in list form, guess i’m a fuddy-duddy)

wait… how many words can i come up with to mean plain-old-fashioned?

what else. oh yes, picnics, picnics, grills and more picnics. this summer seems to be about gathering people together to create and enjoy large amounts of edibles. and something is eating my eggplant plant, which i must solve if i am to continue to grill delectable eggplants. also, the barely teenage folks at our fountain farmstand say i must hand pollinate my zucchini, because [warning! warning! fad {yet totally legitimate} environmental cause alert!] i don’t have enough bees. *sigh*

up in the mountains in the house my grandparents bought in 1937 we have no climate control, no cell phone access, and no internet. the phone book is even a few years out of date. it’s a twenty minute drive to get to the nearest anything. although there is a dvd player, cable and satellite need not apply.

now for those of you who feel panic at the thought, i challenge that you come to the mountains with me for a few days. it is ultimately relaxing to let go, to be unable to manage or deal with anything other than the people you are next to and the critters that stroll by on the lawn.

we saw deer, groundhogs, three snakes (hog nose and garter) birds bugs and rodents of all kinds, and listened to lonely coyotes try and find each other in the night. we found a local farmer who up and decided to become a beekeeper–his wildflower honey is delicious. we took a two mile hike to see a mellow waterfall (always a destination for us). we baked a delicious blueberry coffeecake. we ate our way through two visits to our favorite farmstand. we sat on the porch and listened to the whine and buzz, smelling damp green things.

right. so new bird named salad. he’s lovely. another senegal–it wasn’t our fault, really, the rescue center called us up with a ‘free to a good home’ message, we met the bird, and… well, he’s home. extra-muscled legs with a freakish amount of feathers, a tendency to chew on anything near his beak, a charming upside down pose he strikes when put back into his cage before he was ready to be home, a not-so-charming shoulders up aggression pose when he’s too sleepy to come out, frequent clicking, and a great love of my mediocre singing. he was on a strict junkfood diet, which caused him some joint problems in his feet (resulting in a hilarious, yet sad, tiptoe effect when walking on flat surfaces) and which we are battling to overcome. so far, salad enjoys eating papaya, banana, cranberry, and dried root veggies.

speaking of veggies (which i was, you know…) the carrots have finally sprouted! ridiculous frilly tops, have the sturdy carrots. also, the first few eggplants are growing on the eggplant plant. (hee!) they are making very satisfying progress. the many green bean and zucchini seedlings have been transplanted, most of them survived. of course they reached the appropriate height and strength during the heat wave… so a few fried. but i still have more than enough. back yard is getting crowded.

we have been using the new grill a lot. so easy. so, so easy. and tasty. i could go on, but there’s no need.

what else… ah, yes. surprises. my very sly collection of siblings and cousins threw me a surprise brunch and matinee, on fathers’ day. yes, you see why i was surprised–a couple weeks before my actual expiration date (for those of you who haven’t seen logan’s run, i’m turning 30. and you should see it.) and on somebody else’s holiday. i was easy to fool, being generally agreeable about activities (they pitched a high end audio convention, which my brother and boyfriend would have loved had it been real, and i just said, sure, why not.) it was lovely. brunch place had choices for everyone (yay spinach and chickpea omelette) and the show was a really good try at absurdist theatre, which i like. if only they’d had a professional choreographer and an extra week of rehearsals… wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea, which made it all the more special as a choice for me. also, i spent the day covered in feather boas and a pink sparkly tiara.

also was gifted some yarn that is “me” colored, out of which i am told to make stripey knee socks. i can’t complain about the idea, but i might complain once i get to turning the heel, when for some reason the pattern seems to be written in sanskrit.

on a side note, my yoga teacher often slips bits of yoga theory and sanskrit in during class, and i happen to like the sound of the language very much. still meaning to brush up (ahem: relearn) my french and pick up something new. particularly interested in sign language and pretty sounding non-romance varieties… maybe after i learn to play the piano, yet another large project on the list.

okay. enough for one update. i need to get myself to sleep. try now, might make it by 4, 4:30.

yep, i’ve been away because it was just too hot to be in the room with the internet access, and the router was dying a slow death, and…so…things were just inconvenient. here i am, though, in an air conditioned room with a laptop, babble-ready.

what’s been occupying my thoughts (the ones not devoted to feeling hot and cranky) this evening is my relative level of sappiness. i have always been susceptible to sad moments in books, tv, you name it. in the past few days, though, i’ve gotten weapy eyes during an episode of jericho (we’ve been watching the series on netflix, like it a lot) one of battlestar galactica, and a chapter in closing time (which i am reading alongside of a collection of stories, though i am usually a monogamous reader)

right. anyway, i seem to be extra sappy lately. eh, i’m done thinking about that.

now i’m thinking about how many extra pots and bags of dirt i need to resettle all of the sprouts i’ve gotten from my seeds. the green beans and zucchini are exploding, and nearly every seed planted came up. the onions are about 3″ tall and arranged nicely in bunches, so they stay put. the carrots appear to be duds! disappointing. but meanwhile, i need to give the green guys some room to spread out or they will begin fighting. much like the murdering fish (who fought despite a complete plethora of territorial space and food) the greenies are unaware that they do not need to compete. i will care for them all.

i am interrupted by some gentle squeaking by salad. oh! have i written here that we adopted a new bird? more to come…