missed september by a hair

that is, by roughly three hours. i seem to be able to get here bout once a month…

 right. fast forward a bit from the last post, and i’m about to start my first tech at the new job. rehearsals have been going well and i feel revitalized by working a job that actually takes effort. also a little bit nervous because i’m so out of the habit, but so far just a few minor bumps in the road. fortunately the apprentice asssigned to be my assistant is learning the job quickly and has the ‘assitant’ part down great. the other day, during a precious 10 minute break i worked through, he made me tea (precious precious tea.) the play (an empty plate at the cafe de grande boeuf, referred to as empty plate) was written about a dozen years ago by a current prof at villanova, and was originally staged by the same company. i very much like the script, and think folks should come see it.

other than work, well not much lately. i’m still adjusting to having a full schedule again, and not great at getting anything done. meanwhile the boy is fast and furiously working on two different games, and kind enough to do things like fix the sofa and pick up refills at cvs. i’m tired when i get home from work and most days in bed around midnight, just like an ordinary person. how odd.

hmmm. maybe i’ll try shorter posts separated by topic.

when did it become august?

i suppose when it was almost september. i have a lot to catch up on. first things first though–what has been occupying most of my thinking time and most of my dreaming time for the last month and a half. job hunting.

hunting is an appropriate term. one must sniff out, stalk, ambush, and sometimes, unfortunately, sit in a bog with leg cramps and a wet rear end waiting interminably for something to walk by.

so here’s the chronology. theatre A sends me a personal email notifying me of a job posting for the entire season. i gleefully reply. one week later, menopause sends me a letter of intent, asking me to return to my old job. meanwhile, over three months since i sent my resume, i interview with theatre B for a one show gig. one week later i gather up the required bits of intestine and ask theatre A for an interview. one week later i interview. i then reply to menopause that i don’t know. i have a second round interview with theatre B. one week later i am asked to come in for a second round at theatre A. still stalling menopause. one week later i have a second round interview with theatre A. theatre B gives me an offer for their second show, and raises the possibility of the first as well. one MORE week goes by and i gather up the few remaining bits of gut and call theatre A. many many hours later i receive a phone call saying they have hired someone else but… would i be insulted by an offer for some asm work? one hour later i accept the second show at theatre B, and ask about the first. one MORE week later i notify menopause that i am booked as of november and possibly sooner, with many apologies all around because i still have not heard from theatre B despite knowing that if i do have the first show i would be starting on september 4th which is not very far away!!!!!!!!

reading between the lines, you might find gargantuan levels of anxiety caused by the inability to take control of my own life and the necessity to keep people waiting. also in there you might find every moment i have lived and worked in philadelphia moving toward and waiting for a full season offer as the stage manager for a big time company in this city. that was the chance i was finally offered, and then did not get. you might also find the fear that the chance won’t come again and i won’t be able to take one of my conceived steps toward starting my life.

right… did i mention anxiety? it’s not all consuming or anything like that…

on a happier note, i really like the folks at theatre B and think i will enjoy working there. despite the early calls… three months of 9 am calls… did i mention it’s sleeping beauty? with child oriented performance times??? perhaps tomorrow i will finally hear if they want me to take on the rather more adult show, assassins–but even if i do, i will be taking over AT TECH WEEK which will be such a challenge. but wait! a challenge! wouldn’t that be nice.

somebody tell me where all the places to get tea are near 2nd and market…

return to normalcy

well, we have buried mom mom (his, my gramm is still with us) and spent a long weekend in the mountains (to recover? to delay? to skip ahead?)  and now theoretically life returns to normal, or whatever passes for it in our little world.

some possibly exciting news on the job front that i (supersticiously) won’t talk about until i know more…

and, has anyone else been confounded by the weather again? it is so darn hot for mid-july. i got cooked just walking around the block to move the car this morning. my poor plants might need to get on the water twice a day schedule. i desperately want to plant the green bean and beet seeds i just got in the catskills (meows well?) but fear i will have to start them inside because they will fry as sprouts if things go the way they are going. 

ah. so this is how life goes back to normal… a thought creeps in (as they have been doing) and doesn’t get shoved aside until later.

hiatus over

i’m alright with this blog again. for a while it became the target of all the inexplicable frustration and sloth that was the month of april and half of may. and i’m not sure it’s over, either. but i am sure that life will be changing a lot soon and i finally feel like talking about it. i suppose all the newsy items will fill in over time as they come to mind, but first the main issue is that menopause is over in SEVEN shows. it has taken up such a large part of my life (why does work do that) and i’ve been thinking about my premenopausal self. if we substitute life and self-image for sex life and body image, two areas that can be seriously affected by actual menopuase, i think i’ve made a fairly normal progression.

e.g.

i haven’t picked up knitting needles in nearly two months. and gardening, which still brings a measure of unsoiled (sorry!) joy seems to take so much more… effort than it used to. and, somehow most importantly, i’ve begun to think of myself not as a stage manager, but as stage crew, somehow, bizarrely over paid.

so folks, never fall into the trap i’ve been in. no matter how good the stability and security may feel, if a job is mostly unsatisfying and aggravating in several major ways, get out. (this is what i say with vehemence dampened only by the knowledge of upcoming bills and unemployment… see the trap!) i allowed myself to be in a place usually reserved for folks who have a damned motivating reason to put up with it–children. and i know i will over the course of my life take other jobs that leave me feeling lousy, and be happy to do it because it will buy pureed carrots for tiny mouths. now, however, is not the time.

 i’m ranting. and babbling. and going on and on. maybe it’s because i’ve recently become conscious of just how big the change was. (blasted word is ruined for me!) so i will end on a more positive note. because that’s the new plan. bring on the positive. stop muttering to myself, at least they buy the tums, every time i have heart burn. stop having heart burn. bring on the positive.

 so. i have, waiting in the kitchen to be planted, cucumber, zuccini, summer squash, green beans, grape tomatoes, jalapeno, yellow bell, cherry hot and habanero peppers.

i also have a pattern (in my family we like to call them recipes) for a nautilus that i will knit for my nephew (we hope to see him in the next couple of weeks for the first time since january) and i WILL find the right brown ombre to make the back and belly scales on the knitted snake look right.

i am planning to make a flourless chocolate cake this week, to make up for the baking i did not do over passover.

i am planning on seeing a movie outside of our house, trying two new tea shops that have been recommended, finishing my current book (nights at the circus) outside and lots more me-type activities that i haven’t thought of yet. you’re all welcome to join me for any and all.  

how do i feel abou this news?

we have finally been given a closing date for menopause the musical… followed by a theoretical reopening. not sure whether i will believe anything until a paper to sign is shoved under my nose, but at least it is news. the thought of unemployment is the equivalent to finding slugs in the garden–they are gross and creepy but ultimately manageable as long as you don’t turn your back on them.  the thought of doing some other show for a while… hmm. whatever word out there means simultaneously exhausted and exhilarated.  that’s it, i suppose.

meanwhile, the love birds seem to pay no mind to fred (better than the competitive screeching and flapping that occurs when we bring cricket into their room) and cricket (or beakley) and fred find each other very interesting. we’ll wait a while until we let them get closer than 6″ apart, which is slightly greater than the lunging distance puff is capable of.  at the pet store the other day we met a couple crazier than us by several animals. they had many birds, cats, dogs, small mammals and others, totally in the low 20’s… so world, we may be crazy, but less so.

the murdering fish have gotten overwhelmed by all the other nice fish and have turned on each other finally. one of them is missing pieces and will die soon. i absolutely forbid anyone from drawing any sociological conclusions from our fish tank any more. in return, i will let you know what happens when we have only one murderer left.

bed time for me. we watched children of men and it got my mind all a-working on some thought or other and i think i’m finally settling down. i’ve said finally far more times than my level of impatience at the entire world merits. think of them all as possibly one ‘at last’

mirror ball, i’ve grown to despise you

now and then i have a feeling that i should have come of age in another decade. there are certain disadvantages to having been born a carter baby and grown up in the 80’s… for example, i once had bangs (for anyone who hasn’t seen my hair and my forehead, trust me that it was a bad idea) and pegged acid washed jeans.

as another option i have never considered the 70’s for my formative years. not a good fit. however, i have had a certain fondness for the mirror ball that i have to bring into and then out of view during every performance of my current show. it’s a simple rigging on 1/4″ rope, clumsy and impossible to operate smoothly, but ultimately innocuous.

lately, though, the mirror ball has been causing stabbing pains in the left side of my neck. yes, the mirror ball causes this, you know how i feel about the word inanimate. we are working on this in physical therapy (if insurance companies weren’t such semi-evil monoliths i’d spend most of my life there, somehow with the stretching and exercising and general poking and prodding at painful spots i end up slightly better) where was i? working, that was it. still, though, it has become a problem.

the solution suggestions from my superiors are unsatisfactory. they involve passing on the duty to my crew and eventually causing them pain (my predecessor had similar issues so i am told) or having someone ‘more knowledgable’ observe me and see if there are any simple and effective changes to my method. my casual questioning on alternate rigging set-ups apparently was so naive in terms of what others are capable or willing to do in this matter that i won’t bring it up again. golly i’m more bitter than vanilla extract out of the bottle. cook me and things will just become worse, i am no vanilla after all.

so i will fall asleep with the modern miracle of the 8 hour heat patch and despise the mirror ball. sure mirror balls send shiny spots of light all over the floors and walls and sure they seem frivolous and innocent. this one…